Peter’s Doubt

2016 is a road.

There is no starting point, it is simply connected with the previous year, but ended somewhere. Right now. I was sitting with a random, thoughtless, not-so-cool pose after my sister hustle me. I guess it’s a normal request cause Sumba cars may take turns to run all over my body. As you can see, I seized the moment and pose effortlessly. We laughed off that picture, and sure it leaves a warm memory. I have a faith that my sister will notice what’s behind me, be it a car, a motorcycle, or a person. She won’t let them hurt me under her watch.

I picked “I will walk by faith, not by sight” to be my 2016 guidance. I tried to live but I didn’t bear much fruit. I was drowned in a whirpool of my own feelings instead of trusting His promise. As I continuously doubt Jesus and His Plan, I unconsciously walked back to my own mediocrity. I walked by sight. I didn’t trust Jesus like I trust my sister back then on the road. 2016 was definitely ran all over my body.

I (The devil in me) told myself 2017 is just another year. It doesn’t matter. New Year Resolution doesn’t work. Rolf Dobelli, explained it very beautifully in his book why New Year Resolution is just a hype.

However, it is really helpful (for me) to pray and pick one verse/one principality to practice it throughout the year. I felt that if I’m being specific about which spiritual attribute I want to improve, I shall be growing into a more Bible-encompassed person instead of world’s ever-changing standard. Ultimately, as a Christian, being the manifestation of Christ’s love.

Several days ago, God touched my heart when I read a line from Bill Wilson’s book: “everybody wants to walk on water but nobody wants to leave the boat.” Apparently, it’s correlated with Peter’s story. Well, Peter actually left the boat, but he almost drowned when he was terrified, then Jesus said Peter doubt Him (Matthew 14;31) that’s why he drowned.

Then I realized, I repeatedly doubt. I’m a Doubter. I know it sounds like daughter but no, don’t make prove my biological sex.

Bill Wilson said when he came to New York to start Metro Ministries, it took measure faith. But to stay for 28 years, it took extreme faith. To be able to walk on water to come to Jesus, it took extreme faith. To leave to boat? Measure faith!

Do I have the measure faith to leave my boat before I asked Jesus to let me walk on water? Am I going through the process from measure faith to extreme faith by walking with Him?

I have prayed and decided, in 2017, I want to learn to two things: to leave my boat when Jesus said come, banish out doubt & have faith in His supremacy.

Maybe I’ve been asking Jesus for miracles; God, let me walk on water!  Maybe Jesus hasn’t tell me to come? or maybe Jesus already told me to come, but my doubt drowns me? Or am I still on my boat?!

I drowned so many times in 2016, but He always immediately reached out and grabbed me. In 2017, I will conquer my fear to leave my boat. I will walk on water, through the wind and storms, without doubt.

Then Peter called to Him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” “Yes, come,” Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?

Matthew 14:28‭-‬31 NLT


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